how to cope with a stressed boyfriend

do you have an emotionally distant spouse?do they often “check out,” or refuse to talk about what’s bothering them? do theyget defensive or act coldly when you ask why the intimacy has left your marriage? do yousometimes feel like you’re alone in your relationship?if you answered “yes” to any of those questions then you may be feeling like yourspouse doesn’t care about you, or that they’re no longer happy in your marriage. in situationslike this it’s easy to feel like your relationship is falling apart. but is this really the case,or does your spouse just need some time and space?my name is brad browning and today i’m going to share with you tips on what to do whenyour spouse acts coldly or distant towards

you. as a relationship coach and marriageexpert, i deal with these kinds of problems all the time. if you’re feeling at faultfor your spouse’s behaviour, or you’re regretting some of your actions, don’t worry,you’re not alone and i can help you. so, without delay, here are ten things youcan do when your spouse acts coldly or becomes distant.number 1: respect your spouse’s differences when you and your partner first got together,you both had different ideas, stories, opinions and interests. however, it’s likely thatover the years some of your differences and opinions changed to form common likes, dislikes,and outlooks. for example, maybe you both started liking the same foods or picked upthe same hobbies. while some of your common

interests may be permanent, it’s possiblythat as time goes on, you and your spouse will form new opinions that will create newdifferences. although we may sometimes forget, relationshipsrequire a profound respect for each other’s differences. it’s equally as important tonote that having differences doesn’t mean that one person is right and the other wrong.if your spouse is acting distant, make an effort to respect their differences. debatingopinions will only push them further away, and you don’t want to make them feel attacked.instead celebrate your differences and accept that their opinions are what makes your spousewho they are. after all, they do say that “opposites attract.”

number 2: don’t take it personally it’s important to understand that your spouse’sneed for privacy or space may not be about you. in other words, don’t take it personally.your spouse may be going through a phase that requires alone time, or perhaps they’rebattling inner demons. whatever the case, realize that it’s easier to calmly invitecloseness rather than angrily demanding it. if your spouse is willing to share their feelingswith you, be committed to talking through their issues sensibly. ask the tough questions,and never make their problems about you. it’ll be much tougher to help your spouse out oftheir protective shell if you’re self-centered and inconsiderate.

number 3: call off the pursuit often times, when a partner is upset by theirspouse’s cold or distant behaviour, they’ll go into “pursuit mode.” unfortunately,this only makes the situation worse. if you chase your spouse at times that they’vemade it clear they want their space, chances are they will only distance themselves further. instead, respect that your spouse needs sometime alone and don’t pursue them. this can be tough to do, especially if you’re concernedabout what’s going on. but, as tough as it may be, the best thing you can do is tostay positive and have faith that when they’re ready to talk, they’ll come to you.

if you have any questions about pursuing yourspouse feel free to post them in the comments section below this video. i also offer 1-on-1marriage coaching to a limited number of clients, so if that’s something you may be interestedin, please visit marriageguy.com/coaching to sign up. number 4: lower your intensity similar to calling off “pursuit mode,”lowering your intensity is about being calm and patient with your spouse. if you are usuallya loud, fast paced person with a habit of over talking or giving unwanted advice, thenyou need to slow down. this doesn’t mean that your spouse’s behaviour is your fault,but simply that big personalities may not

be the cure for a cold behaviour. there are certain types of people that don’trespond well to this kind of high energy, and your powerful personality could be whythey’re striding away from the relationship. toning down your charisma can help your spouseto feel more relaxed and at ease. number 5: give them space if you’re in the habit of always being atyour spouse’s heels, then it’s time to back off. hovering over your spouse or vocalizingyour opinions about how they’re going about their routines can become claustrophobic.to avoid suffocating them, make an effort to stay out of their zone , bite your tongueand simply let them be. if your spouse has

made it clear that they need space, then respecttheir wishes. people who act distant open up most freelywhen they aren’t being pursued by their partner. if you want to support your spouse,then it’s best to let them have their time. this is the perfect example of an instancewhere less is more. number 6: make a date, not a diagnosis if you find your spouse is acting distanceand you’d like to reconnect, suggest an activity to do together. plan a few datesand put each other in your schedules. the best way to re-establish an emotional connectionis by making your relationship a priority and spending quality time together.

no matter how frustrated you may become withyour spouse’s behaviour, remember that they will respond better to positivity than scrutiny.in fact, diagnosing their behaviour will only make things worse. avoid saying things like“you’ve shut down,” or “we don’t talk much anymore,” and instead of talkingabout not talking, just talk! not only will it save you an uncomfortable conversation,but it’s also much more productive! number 7: pursue your goals, not your partner it’s easy to become overbearing when yourspouse is acting distant. this is why it’s so important to focus on you while they focuson them. think about what hobbies or projects you’vebeen wanting to take up, and do them. set

some personal goals and tackle them. now isa great time to focus on the things you want to do, and it’s also the best remedy forgetting overly focused on your partner. as a part of your “you” time, make a pointto lean on friends and family members for an outlet to rant. not only will talking aboutthe situation help you to cope with it, but it’ll also help to avoid unleashing anybottled up emotions on your spouse. number 8: act kindlyjust because your spouse has become distant or cold doesn’t mean that you need to backoff completely. of course you shouldn’t aggressively chase your partner, but you canact kindly and do little things to make them feel loved. i know this may not be a revolutionaryidea, but it can have that kind of effect

on your marriage. in fact, a recent studyby the gottman institute revealed that kindness is the single most important quality a personcan have when it comes to maintaining a loving, healthy marriage.if your spouse is acting coldly, then they could probably use a little pick me up...whether they know it or not. praise your spouse every chance you get and avoid criticizing.be considerate of their feelings and go the extra mile to make them smile. these smallgestures of warmth will go a long way towards renewing your bond with one another.number 9: love unconditionally you cannot control your spouse’s behaviour,but you can control your own. regardless of how your spouse may be acting, you shouldalways choose to treat them with love. this

isn’t easy to do when your partner is notreciprocating, but it’s what you agreed to when you vowed to love each other “forbetter or for worse.” besides, nothing breaks down emotional barriers like unconditionallove. accept that your spouse could be behavingthis way for a number of reasons. perhaps they are struggling with feelings of depressionor lacking self-confidence. maybe they are stressed with work, or are feeling exhaustedfrom day-to-day bickering. no matter the reason, don’t give up on them. before i wrap up this video i want to remindyou that even the best marriages can go through phases where one spouse acts coldly or becomesdistant. when this happens, it’s important

to remain calm and pleasant. don’t pushyour spouse, or demand an explanation. just simply be there for them and do what you canto make the situation better for both of you. well that’s all for now, i hope you enjoyedthis video and that it’s given you some new ideas for dealing with a distant spouse.if you would like to hear more about how to save your marriage visit my my website marriageguy.comfor the full length video presentation. i appreciate those of you that show your supportby subscribing to my youtube channel- so if you haven’t already done so, please do! until next time take care, and as always,thanks for watching.

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